What They Don’t Tell Us

29 01 2011

Okay, so maybe people have been saying this and I just wasn't the target audience but pregnancy is a wild ride of symptoms and feelings.

Everyday I wake up and can count on a  changing and challenging series of symptoms. Lately I start the day feeling "blah" with stomach cramps. I have my first worries that something is wrong which continue throughout the day. After about an hour of feeling not-so-good, I am suddenly starved for breakfast. Sometime before heading to work I say or think something that makes me feel like crying and ten minutes later I forget what it was. Throughout the morning and into the afternoon, I have intermittent bouts of weird cramps and stretching. I go to the bathroom every 20 minutes (which I can't believe is possible because I don't even think I am drinking that much). I feel starved and crave something chocolate or salty but the next minute I feel full, bloated, and "blah" again. I make poor choices and eat too much at lunch. Around mid-afternoon, I have about 30 minutes where I feel like I could fall asleep standing up and yawn more than I thought possible. I feel guilty and worry about my poor diet choices at lunch. Then, sometime in the late afternoon I feel great. I feel happy I am through the woods and start to believe I am "over" my symptoms. But in the evening, just as I reflect on the day, I feel pain and my worries  return. I feel "blah" again, and  I think "What have we done?" I imagine all of the scary and bad things about pregnancy and our future, and get tearful over something. I fall asleep tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable while wondering- how will I do this when I am 8 or 9 months pregnant? I fall into a restless night of sleep with extremely vivid dreams. And then....I wake up to the next day's wild ride.

First Baby Journal Entry- 4 weeks

22 01 2011

Today I am 4 weeks pregnant and TheBump.com tells me I have 248 days left in this pregnancy...oh and 300+ things on the to-do list!
Right now it is 4:11AM on a Sunday morning, and I can't sleep, so I thought I would start this baby journal.

We returned from visiting my parents in Florida last weekend. We saw dolphins swimming by in the morning (had been waiting all week to see those!) and then a double rainbow on the way to the airport. We knew it was a special day. When we returned to Washington DC I learned I was pregnant!  As of last Thursday, the baby numbers looked great following the second beta test. I can't help but be afraid all the time that something is going wrong and this won't work out...but I want to be positive and hopeful. I am so happy and utterly in love with my husband, adding a baby to our family will be an incredible blessing.

So far the  nights are the trickiest I think....my body aches and I feel only mildly interested in eating. Paul and I are eagerly anticipating telling everyone in our lives, and we are already talking about buying a house and all of the baby stuff we will need. Of course, we are cautiously optimistic and will be trying to wait patiently for another 4 weeks or so before unleashing our excitement and planning full force!  (I am soooo impatient though...hoping this journal helps me endure the wait...)