Thoughts About Raising a Daughter

31 07 2011

I’d like to be thoughtful and intentional as I head into motherhood, although realistically I know I can’t plan how this will go. Contemplating her arrival stimulates a lot of thinking in me about what kind of mother I’d like to be. I am so thankful to have many amazing women among my family and friends; with so many wonderful role models including my own loving mother.

I’d like to be a mother who appreciates differences in my daughter from me. I’d like to encourage that she be who she wants to be, and provide her with as much guidance and assistance that she needs and wants. I’d like to encourage and support her in making the healthiest choices possible that make the most sense to her throughout her life.

I want to remember that while I will see my whole life behind me and ahead of me in her lifetime, she will only see her own life ahead of her in my lifetime. I will see her through the filter of what I think women should become, and how I think mothers and daughters should interact. She may or may not agree with my ways using her own unique filter in her life journey. I want to be insightful and appreciative during those times when she chooses her own way.

I want to effectively manage my own expectations of both what she becomes and what our relationship becomes. I will influence these things but ultimately will not control or fully define these things. She will equally shape them in her own beautiful and independent ways all of her life. She may never understand and accept all of the good things about me or all of the reasons for my many faults, and she may experience more of this understanding after my lifetime. I don’t believe I need that understanding from her; it is my job to do that understanding about myself and help give her the tools she needs to understand herself. I want to appreciate this limitation in our relationship, and the impact it will have on our judgment of each other. I know I will be important to her and she will love me forever, she does not need to prove this to me. Only I need to do this for her.

I want to provide her with the strongest most loving parents possible. I appreciate a million ways my husband is different than me. He complements me in so many important ways for our future family. When I am excitable, he is patient. When I am passionate or tempered, he is even-keeled. When I am quick to make decisions, he is thoughtful and conscientious. When I am overly analytical, he is hopeful and faithful. Above all else we love and support each other in every way we can. I will do everything possible to continue this for our family. Through the ups and downs, I want to be insightful and appreciative that our daughter needs both of our strengths in different ways, and at different times. She will have her own special and unique relationship with my husband that is different than mine. He will provide her with the many amazing things I love about him as well as his own faults, and this will impact her in so many unique and important ways.

I know the best I can do is be accepting and flexible in my understanding of these things. I also know I will learn an endless amount of things as a parent and change in many more ways. I am so grateful and excited for the experience of being so important in the development of a new person in this world.


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